I can recall about two years ago, my then soon-to-be girlfriend had noticed a pattern of people we knew breaking up around the start of Spring. Alas, two years later - we fall into the same fate. But before you click the 'X,' this isn't about that necessarily nor is it some crying blog about misfortunes and shortcomings. It's about getting over that funk...

Besides losing a loved one and/or someone contracting a terrible illness or disease, breaking up is one of the crappiest feelings known to man. Friends will help as much as they can, but one very helpful cure is a result of heartbreak - music.

From the blues to rock to the music all the kids dig these days, there's more than enough songs about losing someone that hasn't died that will drive you to hang yourself in a closet. But this isn't (for the most part) that type of music that will be posted. There will be no sad bastard music (that means no James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover"), overly crazy emo (I understand the therapeutic value of Dashboard Confessional, but he won't be on here) and no music I've heard of (which basically means I'm probably overlooking a ton of music).

But as I go through this period of pain, coupled with an assortment of other problems, it's good to know music understands. Getting dumped sucks a fat one.

Note: The songs take a minute to load, so give it time.

OK, this is an odd choice to start out with, seeing as about 6 people remember this early '90s song and maybe 3 actually recall Shai. But I'm a sucker for acapella songs and this is as good as any. You'll have to overlook the fact that the songwriting is completely unfocused as the singer meets a girl then suddenly falls out of love with her(?)

It's never really followed up on, but I'm pretty sure that the verses were just filler for the monster chorus that's repeated an ample amount of times. Basically, it seems a guy breaking up a girl and to offer some consolation, he says the next will be just like her. So, the guy dumping is basically saying he's looking for the lovings somewhere else. Wow, I didn't notice how shallow this song really was.

Quote for Truth: "The very next time she will be my friend/someone who I can believe in"

As we progress, the music will become a bit more bitter. But I wanted to throw a sweet one in there for good measure. I said no Dashboard, but this comes pretty close.

The song basically follows lead singer Max Bemis, who is called out by name, as he is witnessing the dissolution of his relationship with a girl he met at a Saves the Day show. The song makes the list because it's so earnest, sweet and hits close to home for anyone that's gone through that mess. No bitterness, just a little longing and pain. Possibly one of Say Anything's best.

Quote for Truth: "Follows drifting on the vapor/I can't escape her/She was my love/Now she's pushing me away."

Now I have nothing against Ne-Yo and the original song. As far as R & B songs go, it was one of the better ones to get released in the past 10 years. But this version seems to capture the emotion of it a little better.

Slight Fall Out Boy all you want and Patrick Stump's mumbling, but his voice has an odd soul sound to it that I enjoy. I honestly didn't give the song much of a listen until I heard this version, so this is the one that I pick. Anyone that's had to listen to the radio, whether it be voluntary or not, knows the feelings of the memories attached to the songs it plays. And how they suck.

Quote for Truth:"I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you/And your memory/And how every song reminds me/Of what used to be."

Before I heard this song, I thought Motion City was another bland pop-punk band. Then, of course, I heard this song and was hooked. And listened to it about 300 more times.

The band sets aside its usual hopped-on-sugar power chords and synths and makes a really, really excellent ballad-of-sorts. Much like blink-182's "Adam's Song" was a suicide note put to song, this is a break-up letter with a melody. It has all the usual post break-up things (Do your chores, stay clean, be healthy) then, of course, the downer ("You hold me down").

Quote for Truth: "You're the metaphors I can't create/To comprehend this curse that I call love."

First off, I love "Once" and this gem shouldn't be overlooked for the more popular "Falling Slowly" and "When Your Mind's Made Up." This is Glen Hansard of The Frames fame breaking down after being told the bad news that it's over.

What makes this better than most is that it's raw as they come. It's him screaming with a guitar while trying to keep some sort of melody. Kind of like Dashboard, without the bad high school poetry.

Quote for Truth: " And you won't disappoint me/I can do that myself/But I'm glad that you've come/Now if you don't mind/Leave."

Whereas Glen Hansard's voice is raw, Pharrell Williams' matter-of-fact lyrics are the same, almost to the point of being juvenile.

This is one of those situations where things were good and then, one day, it's all over. Hence, the chorus ("What the f--- just happened?").

It's not a terribly deep song but it captures the feeling well with its Beatles-meets-James Brown vibe. And it's only elevated by its inconsistencies in emotion. One minute Pharrell is telling the ex how it would all work out and the next, he's calling her a bitch. Such is life.

Quote for Truth:"All these years of discipline/Just to end up here at the end/Can you tell me what I’ve learned?"

Yet another cover that I enjoy more than original. Despite guitarist Daron Malkian's dislike of this version, it serves its purpose. Random fact - in the original video for the song, lead singer of Berlin Terri Nunn only lip-synced the words ""I remember hating you for loving me" and "Sorry."

System's ability to move from the slow bass line to the crazy sped-up is pretty sloppy. But the song itself is well-written, contrasting the good memories with the impending split. And, of course, Serj has to ad-lib a "F--- you for loving me" in it to get the point across.

Quote for Truth:"Minutes passed with shallow words/Years have passed and still the hurt/I can see you now/Smiling as I pulled away/'Sorry.'"

It's almost hard to believe there's a break-up song more bitter than this. There's just absolutely no remorse, no good times, no regrets besides the tattered relationship. It may be about friendship, but it could go either way. This is "scream this in your car" music.

Quote for Truth: "It's been a long time since I've been close to you/It's been a long time since I've been sad./It's been a while since I've really spent time with you/Wish I could take back the times that I had."

Never has a break-up song been so dance-able. But when you look past the break-beats and drum rolls, this song is bitter as a Passover meal.

I imagine the quote from "High Fidelity" where the main character imagines his ex-girlfriend having sex with her new boyfriend and how it's the best she's ever had when singer Lisa Kekaula "Good luck/in your new bad." And the "Enjoy your nightmares." That's bitterness mixed with vinegar.

It's amazing that such an upbeat techno duo came up with this.

Quote for Truth: "You'll end up old and lonely/If you don't get a bullet in your head" (Good lord).

No band writes more angry, bitter, self-deprecating music than Brand New. At least not with some sort of class and art to it.

"Jude Law" is more of a high-school, "I hope my ex dies" song where lead singer Jesse Lacey renounces the relationship, everything that was said but still knows the ex will survive a plane crash and drowning just to spite him. It's a bit sophomoric and immature. But it gets its point across in spades.

In contrast, "You Won't Know" finds Lacey a bit older, more bitter and a little more cryptic. The relationship is over and he believes soon he will die.

But this involves a child that he'll never see again because of the split ("And you can't blame your mother/She's trying not to say I was your worst mistake") followed by his plea to stay (So believe in me/believe them/You think I'll let you down/Well, I won't") and finally his doom.

But it doesn't stop there. After he's dead, no one will realize since he's gone as well as when he reaches Heaven, they've run out of forgiveness and he can't get in.

If there's any light in this song, it's lost on me. But no song has captured that feeling of absolute, no-doubt-about-it hopelessness better than this. This is "cry yourself to sleep for several weeks music" and is the reason why it's number one. An odd choice, yes. But fitting.

There are countless others I've left off because you've heard them ad nauseum, they slipped my mind, I haven't heard them (The Cure comes to mind) or they'll be written in future posts.

And these are the songs I recommend to get you through those nasty Spring break-ups.

Also remember these few nuggets I've learned from past experiences

(The Dumped Rights, Policies and Procedures, if you will):

1. Cheating or addictions notwithstanding, If you've been dumped, you have a right to be bitter. It may not be justifiable or even practical - but it's a useful coping mechanism. Don't feel ashamed of it.

2. Pretending to be friends after it's all said and done is cute, but is usually just good intentions. Yes, you don't want to lose that special person you've spent countless hours with and shared personal stuff with. But, realistically, if you didn't begin as friends, you probably won't end up that way either.

3. Nothing hurts more than seeing that someone with another person. Keep a screaming pillow nearby and accept that reality is no good.

4. Hurting yourself is incredibly stupid and solves little-to-nothing. Do something to release the aggression that won't cause intentional bodily harm like running, punching a couch or starting a scream-o band. In the end, you might even get paid for it.

5. Don't be bitter for too long, then you're just being an a-hole. A good month or two is a good amount of time.

6. No matter how much you tell yourself that you're done and the feelings have ended - they haven't. Quit lying. Just because you've cursed someone's name enough or have repeated "I'm over (person)" doesn't really make a difference inside. It takes time, tears and distance (sounds like a Spill Canvas song). But seriously, no one can say how long stuff like that fades but it's most certainly a considerable amount of time.

7. Don't take it out on another person interested in you. Seriously, don't be an ass.

8. Remember, as R.E.M. says, "Living Well is the Best Revenge."

posted by Andrew Gaug  # 5:25 PM 0 comments