The Last Banana Blog

Andrewblaug.com's Mixtape of Heartbreak

2008-04-08T17:25:00.000-07:00

I can recall about two years ago, my then soon-to-be girlfriend had noticed a pattern of people we knew breaking up around the start of Spring. Alas, two years later - we fall into the same fate. But before you click the 'X,' this isn't about that necessarily nor is it some crying blog about misfortunes and shortcomings. It's about getting over that funk...

Besides losing a loved one and/or someone contracting a terrible illness or disease, breaking up is one of the crappiest feelings known to man. Friends will help as much as they can, but one very helpful cure is a result of heartbreak - music.

From the blues to rock to the music all the kids dig these days, there's more than enough songs about losing someone that hasn't died that will drive you to hang yourself in a closet. But this isn't (for the most part) that type of music that will be posted. There will be no sad bastard music (that means no James Blunt's "Goodbye My Lover"), overly crazy emo (I understand the therapeutic value of Dashboard Confessional, but he won't be on here) and no music I've heard of (which basically means I'm probably overlooking a ton of music).

But as I go through this period of pain, coupled with an assortment of other problems, it's good to know music understands. Getting dumped sucks a fat one.

Note: The songs take a minute to load, so give it time.

10. Shai - "If I Ever Fall In Love (acapella)"

OK, this is an odd choice to start out with, seeing as about 6 people remember this early '90s song and maybe 3 actually recall Shai. But I'm a sucker for acapella songs and this is as good as any. You'll have to overlook the fact that the songwriting is completely unfocused as the singer meets a girl then suddenly falls out of love with her(?)

It's never really followed up on, but I'm pretty sure that the verses were just filler for the monster chorus that's repeated an ample amount of times. Basically, it seems a guy breaking up a girl and to offer some consolation, he says the next will be just like her. So, the guy dumping is basically saying he's looking for the lovings somewhere else. Wow, I didn't notice how shallow this song really was.

Quote for Truth: "The very next time she will be my friend/someone who I can believe in"

9. Say Anything "Goodbye Young Tutor, You've Now Outgrown Me"

As we progress, the music will become a bit more bitter. But I wanted to throw a sweet one in there for good measure. I said no Dashboard, but this comes pretty close.

The song basically follows lead singer Max Bemis, who is called out by name, as he is witnessing the dissolution of his relationship with a girl he met at a Saves the Day show. The song makes the list because it's so earnest, sweet and hits close to home for anyone that's gone through that mess. No bitterness, just a little longing and pain. Possibly one of Say Anything's best.

Quote for Truth: "Follows drifting on the vapor/I can't escape her/She was my love/Now she's pushing me away."

8. Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy "So Sick (Ne Yo cover)"

Now I have nothing against Ne-Yo and the original song. As far as R & B songs go, it was one of the better ones to get released in the past 10 years. But this version seems to capture the emotion of it a little better.

Slight Fall Out Boy all you want and Patrick Stump's mumbling, but his voice has an odd soul sound to it that I enjoy. I honestly didn't give the song much of a listen until I heard this version, so this is the one that I pick. Anyone that's had to listen to the radio, whether it be voluntary or not, knows the feelings of the memories attached to the songs it plays. And how they suck.

Quote for Truth:"I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you/And your memory/And how every song reminds me/Of what used to be."

7. Motion City Soundtrack "Hold Me Down"

Before I heard this song, I thought Motion City was another bland pop-punk band. Then, of course, I heard this song and was hooked. And listened to it about 300 more times.

The band sets aside its usual hopped-on-sugar power chords and synths and makes a really, really excellent ballad-of-sorts. Much like blink-182's "Adam's Song" was a suicide note put to song, this is a break-up letter with a melody. It has all the usual post break-up things (Do your chores, stay clean, be healthy) then, of course, the downer ("You hold me down").

Quote for Truth: "You're the metaphors I can't create/To comprehend this curse that I call love."

6. Glen Hansard "Leave"

First off, I love "Once" and this gem shouldn't be overlooked for the more popular "Falling Slowly" and "When Your Mind's Made Up." This is Glen Hansard of The Frames fame breaking down after being told the bad news that it's over.

What makes this better than most is that it's raw as they come. It's him screaming with a guitar while trying to keep some sort of melody. Kind of like Dashboard, without the bad high school poetry.

Quote for Truth: " And you won't disappoint me/I can do that myself/But I'm glad that you've come/Now if you don't mind/Leave."

5. N.E.R.D. "Stay Together" (Explicit Lyrics)

Whereas Glen Hansard's voice is raw, Pharrell Williams' matter-of-fact lyrics are the same, almost to the point of being juvenile.

This is one of those situations where things were good and then, one day, it's all over. Hence, the chorus ("What the f--- just happened?").

It's not a terribly deep song but it captures the feeling well with its Beatles-meets-James Brown vibe. And it's only elevated by its inconsistencies in emotion. One minute Pharrell is telling the ex how it would all work out and the next, he's calling her a bitch. Such is life.

Quote for Truth:"All these years of discipline/Just to end up here at the end/Can you tell me what I’ve learned?"

4.System of a Down "The Metro" (Berlin cover)

Yet another cover that I enjoy more than original. Despite guitarist Daron Malkian's dislike of this version, it serves its purpose. Random fact - in the original video for the song, lead singer of Berlin Terri Nunn only lip-synced the words ""I remember hating you for loving me" and "Sorry."

System's ability to move from the slow bass line to the crazy sped-up is pretty sloppy. But the song itself is well-written, contrasting the good memories with the impending split. And, of course, Serj has to ad-lib a "F--- you for loving me" in it to get the point across.

Quote for Truth:"Minutes passed with shallow words/Years have passed and still the hurt/I can see you now/Smiling as I pulled away/'Sorry.'"

3. Alkaline Trio "Jaked on Green Beers"

It's almost hard to believe there's a break-up song more bitter than this. There's just absolutely no remorse, no good times, no regrets besides the tattered relationship. It may be about friendship, but it could go either way. This is "scream this in your car" music.

Quote for Truth: "It's been a long time since I've been close to you/It's been a long time since I've been sad./It's been a while since I've really spent time with you/Wish I could take back the times that I had."

2. Basement Jaxx "Good Luck"

Never has a break-up song been so dance-able. But when you look past the break-beats and drum rolls, this song is bitter as a Passover meal.

I imagine the quote from "High Fidelity" where the main character imagines his ex-girlfriend having sex with her new boyfriend and how it's the best she's ever had when singer Lisa Kekaula "Good luck/in your new bad." And the "Enjoy your nightmares." That's bitterness mixed with vinegar.

It's amazing that such an upbeat techno duo came up with this.

Quote for Truth: "You'll end up old and lonely/If you don't get a bullet in your head" (Good lord).

1. Brand New "Jude Law and the Semester Abroad"/"You Won't Know"

No band writes more angry, bitter, self-deprecating music than Brand New. At least not with some sort of class and art to it.

"Jude Law" is more of a high-school, "I hope my ex dies" song where lead singer Jesse Lacey renounces the relationship, everything that was said but still knows the ex will survive a plane crash and drowning just to spite him. It's a bit sophomoric and immature. But it gets its point across in spades.

In contrast, "You Won't Know" finds Lacey a bit older, more bitter and a little more cryptic. The relationship is over and he believes soon he will die.

But this involves a child that he'll never see again because of the split ("And you can't blame your mother/She's trying not to say I was your worst mistake") followed by his plea to stay (So believe in me/believe them/You think I'll let you down/Well, I won't") and finally his doom.

But it doesn't stop there. After he's dead, no one will realize since he's gone as well as when he reaches Heaven, they've run out of forgiveness and he can't get in.

If there's any light in this song, it's lost on me. But no song has captured that feeling of absolute, no-doubt-about-it hopelessness better than this. This is "cry yourself to sleep for several weeks music" and is the reason why it's number one. An odd choice, yes. But fitting.

There are countless others I've left off because you've heard them ad nauseum, they slipped my mind, I haven't heard them (The Cure comes to mind) or they'll be written in future posts.

And these are the songs I recommend to get you through those nasty Spring break-ups.

Also remember these few nuggets I've learned from past experiences

(The Dumped Rights, Policies and Procedures, if you will):

1. Cheating or addictions notwithstanding, If you've been dumped, you have a right to be bitter. It may not be justifiable or even practical - but it's a useful coping mechanism. Don't feel ashamed of it.

2. Pretending to be friends after it's all said and done is cute, but is usually just good intentions. Yes, you don't want to lose that special person you've spent countless hours with and shared personal stuff with. But, realistically, if you didn't begin as friends, you probably won't end up that way either.

3. Nothing hurts more than seeing that someone with another person. Keep a screaming pillow nearby and accept that reality is no good.

4. Hurting yourself is incredibly stupid and solves little-to-nothing. Do something to release the aggression that won't cause intentional bodily harm like running, punching a couch or starting a scream-o band. In the end, you might even get paid for it.

5. Don't be bitter for too long, then you're just being an a-hole. A good month or two is a good amount of time.

6. No matter how much you tell yourself that you're done and the feelings have ended - they haven't. Quit lying. Just because you've cursed someone's name enough or have repeated "I'm over (person)" doesn't really make a difference inside. It takes time, tears and distance (sounds like a Spill Canvas song). But seriously, no one can say how long stuff like that fades but it's most certainly a considerable amount of time.

7. Don't take it out on another person interested in you. Seriously, don't be an ass.

8. Remember, as R.E.M. says, "Living Well is the Best Revenge."

The Summer, Summer, Summertime 2007 Preview

2007-05-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

ROLTSUMMER2007PREVIEWLMAO

As the Daily Show once said "Summer is full of dangers - sharks, sunburns and lemonade of an ungodly tart." In that case, it's best to stay inside, because like Sarah Freeburg says - 'Life is too precious to be enjoyed.'

That said, here's things to keep you busy during the only 3 hot months in Ohio or more hot months if you're reading this somewhere outside of Northeast Ohio.

Movies

1. Ocean's 13

If I can admire George Clooney for one thing, it's that he's a honest actor. He openly admits he'll pay anyone back on the street if they say they saw "Batman and Robin" and he fesses up to "Ocean's 12" being really bad.

He says this one will be better and I have no reason to not believe him. Plus, the whole crew is back and Al Pacino is the villain. Really, I think this will be the funnest movie of the Summer.

2. Knocked Up

Call me biased because I like almost everything director Jud Apatow has a hand in ("Fun With Dick and Jane" excluded) and call me even more biased because I already saw this. But it will without a doubt be one of the funniest movies of the Summer. The refreshing thing is, although the movie maintains the same excessive amount of crude jokes and profanity (really it's almost too much, much like "40-Year-Old Virgin"). But unlike it's predecessors such as Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell films where the schtick has grown old - this is really grounded in its characters and, for the most part, reality. I anticipated it since first hearing about it, even with the complaints of it borderlining 2 hours long. It delivers and hopefully will make Seth Rogen a star.

3. "The Bourne Ultimatum"

Much like Paul Rudd said in "The 40-Year Old Virgin" - "Y'know, I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but he's rocking the shit in this one!"

I agree, the "Bourne" series was one I never expected to go beyond the first one. But the second one really surprised me and I'm sure this one will be no different.

Plus director Paul Greengrass is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors (For proof, watch "Bourne Supremacy" or "United 93"). Maybe because I love his shaky cameras and his knack for "you are there" realism.

4. "The Simpsons Movie"

I love beginning to late-90's "Simpsons." I honestly believe it's some of the funniest and clever material to ever air on television. Now, it's just a travesty - we get it, Homer is dumb, Bart is "cool" and the characters are more charicatures than anything else. So why do I still anticipate this? Because the old writers are back, something the latest seasons have lacked. And I'm an optomist. This will make or break those like myself, who still hold a shred of hope for the series.

5. "Transformers"

This is the part where I'm sure I'll lose alot of people (assuming anyone reads this). I hate Michael Bay, really I do. "Pearl Harbor" was dreadful, "Armageddon" was watchable when I was 14, but not now. "Bad Boys 2" was an hour too long and "The Island" was his closest attempt at anything good.

But I can't help but want to see what I'm sure will be the next "Independence Day." You've got a decent cast - minus the Decepticons and Autobots - there's Shia LeBeouf, a very hot Megan Fox (fitting last name) and Jon Voight (then again, he starred in "Pearl Harbor"). Plus alot of stuff is going to blow up - LOTS of stuff. Maybe even Michael Bay will explode.

Plus Steven Spielberg is stamping his producer credit on there, something usually only good blockbusters get (see "Men In Black", but please don't see "Jurassic Park 3" or "Men In Black II").

The rest....

6. "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" - I really like both Adam Sandler and Kevin James. The combo of them plus the writers of "Sideways", I can see this being a good conventional comedy.

7. Super Bad - Think of it as a continuation of the rest of the cast of "Knocked Up." Two kids are going to graduate and want to makeout with chicks. Sound like "American Pie"? A little. But still looks very funny.

8. Shrek 3 - The "Shrek" series has always been an enjoyable one. I figure this will be no different. Yet with this being green-lit the second "Shrek 2" went to number one and another one on the way, you've got to think whether or not Dreamworks is just striking while the iron is hot or actually have alot of good material.

9. Ratatouille - A Pixar movie, the director of "The Iron Giant" and "The Incredibles" is directing, and Patton Oswalt is voicing. Count me in. I liked "Cars" despite it not being quite as good as Pixar's other films, I have hope in this.

10. Eagle Vs. Shark - I would like to see this become the "Little Miss Sunshine" of the Summer. I know very little about this besides being an indie unconventional comedy. But it stars Jermaine Clement of the very funny folk-comedy duo Flight of the Conchords. And he's a very funny guy.

The Maybe's....

Live Free or Die Hard - Do they have a good script? Only time will tell. But this lands on the maybe list because the director of the "Underworld" series is helming this. And both those movies sucked on ice. Hopefully this will not.

Pirates of the Carribbean 3 - Much like "Spider-Man 3", "Pirates 2" divided alot of its fanbase - myself included. In my opinion, it threw out names, places, legends and other nonsense out like candy at a Memorial Day parade. It was too long and didn't seem to have any direction. Wait, isn't this the same fanboy complaints for "Spider-Man 3"? Maybe I can see where they're coming from. Regardless, if Chow Yung-Fat, Keith Richards and Geoffrey Rush can save this from becoming another "Matrix" trilogy, I will be satisfied. '

Fantastic Four II - The first one was a waste. Jessica Alba could not be any more wooden, Mr. Fantastic couldn't be more boring and their combined chemistry was as believeable as a Britney Spears rumor. Add that with little action and a bad script - you have a bad superhero film. Will the Silver Surfer save this? It's possible. But still, the same guy is directing and the same cast is returning. Chris Evans and The Thing's backstory tried to carry the mess of a first film. That's not enough to merit a sequel.

Evan Almighty - I love Steve Carell and can only hope he can pull a rabbit out of the hat with this one. Otherwise, this looks to be more on the failure side of the Summer.

No, Just No...

Hostel II - Terrible. Eli Roth should know better.

1408 - Looks interesting, but John Cusack has already been in an eery hotel in 2004 in "Identity." And that got lost in its own twisted logic, I expect the same for this.

Georgia Rule / I Know Who Killed Me - This is biased because I generally don't like Lindsay Lohan as of late. But at least fanboys of her can finally get a sex scene with her. That's something, right?

Rush Hour 3 - I love Jackie Chan and can only hope for the best with his movie with Jet Li. But this is going to be terrible. It's been like 6 years since the last one and Brett Ratner has managed to destroy the "X-Men" franchise in between. The last one made a ton of money, I can only hope this will flop.

Muzak....

1. Kenna "Make Sure They See My Face"

Unless one of the three limited edition Kenna fans out there, you probably have no idea who he is. Basically, if you cross Depeche Mode with a dark, funky Neptunes - you'd get Kenna. He's not some weird indie-bred, Cure-sounding guy that seems to be clogging the independent airwaves, but rather a breath of fresh air mixing pop, electronic music and very good writing. One can hope this will live up to its predecessor, "New Sacred Cow."

2. Maroon 5 "It Won't Be Soon Before Long"

An odd CD title and an even odder album cover, this intrigues me despite being sick "Songs About Jane" for 4 out of the 5 years of its release (it's true). The new single is just fine and I expect hopefully some oddness that was their debut album as Kara's Flowers. Hopefully less middle-of-the-road and more edge and this will go beyond just sounding like a more rock version of Jamiroquai.

3. Queens of the Stone Age "Era Vulgaris"

"Songs for the Deaf" was an excellent album, "Lullabies to Paralyze" had its moments. Two tracks already leaked show a band that will probably be all over the place on this album. Still no Nick Bassist or Dave Grohl, but one would assume this will be a dirty, hard album.

4. M.I.A. "Kala"

I don't remember that many lyrics from M.I.A.'s excellent first album "Arular," but that's probably because I couldn't make out half of what the electronic female rapper saying. But the beats were hot as hell in the dead of Summer. Fingers crossed that this will be the same.

5. "Planet of Ice" Minus the Bear

If you're a musician (or pretend to be one, like myself) then the sheer logistics of Minus the Bear's sound is incredible. Lacing keyboards with guitars seemlessly, along with some great beats and lyrics. "Menos El Oso" was a great album. This one looks to be more straight-forward. Will that be a good thing for a band that heas relied heavily on electronic noise, here's hoping.

The rest....

6. "Icky Thump" White Stripes - "Get Behind Me Satan" was a fun album. This sounds like they're finding their inner Zepplin. So who knows where it will go. Good album name though.

7. "Finding Forever" Common - For such a talented rapper, "Be" really wasn't the album everyone said it was. I love Kanye's production, but he threw himself so much over it, it ruined it for me. This has more promise - first it has Lily Allen and D'Angelo (!!??). It's still produced by West and if he subdues his ego we may have a classic.

8. "Zeitgist" Smashing Pumpkins - You know all those people that said how great Zwan was when they came out- I was one of them. I still like Zwan, which gives me a credibility rating of about 1. Still, this shouldn't be named Smashing Pumpkins because it doesn't have D'Arcy or James Iha. Lord only knows what it will sound like after Corgan watched his bad solo circle the Billboard drain. But if it's anything more than that then we might be able to see them stay around for at least another year.

9. Kelly Clarkson "My December" - Why you call an album "My December" when it's released in the middle of Summer is beyond me. Still, "Breakaway" was the guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Now she's going all crazy Alanis on us and I say that's a good thing. At least someone's angry.

10. There is no 10. Really. This is going to be a long Summer for music. When Puddle of Mudd, HIM, Velvet Revolver, Three Six Mafia and T-Pain are the big Summer releases, we're in trouble.

But if Summer has taught us anything, it's that the heat will get to people and they do crazy things like jump on couches, burn things and eat too much carnival food. I hope this will all provide for a nice Summer 2007 wrap-up.

Until then.....celebrate with this.....

The "24" Blog - Episode 21

2007-05-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

Last week, there was "24" episode review. Because the episode wasn't even worth noting. It was just bad, bad, bad. Really, here's all you missed....

"Jack, you're an idiot."

Secretary Heller returns! For two minutes!

Moving on to this week's episode....

Ah Cheng. You and your funny way of saying "Mr. Bowwa." Your chip got all damaged and now you've got to attack CTU for this kid....?

"I'm awkward."

So, yes one can only imagine the only way they'll take this. Gee, I wonder if it's Jack's kid or not. Hmm....

Then we still have "As the O'Brian Turns...."

Yes, like all generic soap operas, they've grown mediocre and stale.... or, wait, they've always been mediocre and stale. Please "24" writers, never do this again.

Then there's Sleazy McDeezle. His heart is broken cause Shady Lady was cheating on him. Imagine that. Now he forces her to shack up with Russian D. Spyman to get secrets.

But, really, it's better than this....

"Ew, you smell like Stetson's, Scotch and Werther's Originals."

But to cut to the quick, the episode pretty much all built up to its last 20 minutes where CTU turned into "Counterterrorism Unit Laser Tag."

Chinese Team Leader

Asian Mcreallyanamerican

CTU Leader

Let's Go!

Chinese Team acquires Morris Subplot.

Morris Subplot - pwned.

Jack Bauer enters. CTU is up 13 - 3.

Jack Bauer has blazed the glass.

Blazed! Another for the Chinese.

Jack Bauer blazes more Chinese.

Reload.

Bauer acquires the Super Nintendo Super Gun.

Laser Tag takes a short break while Nadia forcibly calls Rick Schroeder so they can contemplate where the crap any of this is going.

5 Minutes remaining...

"Attention kids, quit fooling around."

Nothing ruins a game more than someone messing with the Intercom.

"No, I'm an important character! Really!"

Or take them game too seriously....

Or take someone hostage....

Cheng: Congraturation on Spider-Man 3, but seriousry, needed more Venom.
Babe Farmer: F$%@ing fanboys.

Oh the expected plot twist. So Daddy Bauer is back in the fold. One can only imagine how one-dimensional he can stay in the last 3 episodes.

Much like the first 20 hours of "24", this was a episode that was only carried by its action. One of the producers said in a recent interview that the season has been thrown together.

At this point I have no hope this will end in any way that will cause me to anticipate next year. But like the good fan I am, I'll watch because I still hold hope. If episodes like this where the O'Brian soap opera and Jack's random bouts with being a wuss are still occurring - I'll stick to "Lost" and "The Office." Episode 20 - F, Episode 21 - C+

Sometimes an opinion is just an opinion..... especially with "Spider-Man 3"

2007-05-09T14:40:00.000-07:00

OMG! SPIDERZ! LOL!

So if you don't already, I'm a college journalist. It has its up-and-downs but the perks really kick in around Winter and Summer time as the biggest movies get early previews for critics. "Spider-Man 3" was previewed for another critic and myself. We saw, we enjoyed and we walked out satisfied. To my knowledge, it had similar qualities to the past two films and fulfilled pretty much everything I expected for a franchise that, at the time, was expected to come to a close.

So my review runs on the Daily Kent Stater site.... Three's a charm for Spider-Man series - Entertainment

The next day, after midnight showings have finished, I get the barrage of comments and read on pretty much every message board known to man's comments about how the movie was disappointing, sucked, "Where's the Venom" and other such complaints.

One person came up to me, told me how wrong I was and how the movie sucked. I acknowledge her complaints - the jazz bar scene was over-the-top and unnecessary, Peter turning dark was more cheesy than dark and the villains didn't have that big of a role. To that I say, yes, those are legitamate complaints.

And when comparing "1" and "2" to this one, they say it's an abomination. But to that I believe is wrong. All three movies were bound by human problems mixed with Raimi's love for cheese. You can complain all you want about Peter thrusting himself to women and turning emo and the jazz club scene but it's not like "1" and "2" were without cheesy Power Rangers-like fight scenes, bad dialogue, sappy moments and "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head." You can pretend they're flawless works of art. But, watch them again, they're not. They're all fine, "2" is an excellent sequel. But they aren't the best films ever made.

The villains complaint is valid. The other 2 films devoted alot more time to developing their villains while this one just lays the base. But, really, these two aren't exactly the most interesting villains. Yes, Venom has the potential to be the archenemy of Spidey. But it's clear 2/3rds of the way through, Eddie Brock is no Joker to Peter Parker's Bruce Wayne. You can blame Raimi, but in the context, he's just not that interesting.

That said, "3" did all it needed to do - great fight scenes, decent acting and a decent script. Convoluted - yes. A bit more unorganized - Yes. But "X3" this is not. Raimi still kept the feeling of the first two and didn't turn into nothing but a masturbatory work like Ratner with "X3" or kind-of by-the-numbers like "Superman Returns."

I agree with Roeper (even though he gave the film a thumbs down) on one thing. In "Batman Begins" the director was able to delve in a deep dark part of the hero's life. Raimi should've done that with Parker in "3." If there's one big failure in the movie, it's that.

Otherwise, it's a good bookend to the trilogy. Great - not really. But good enough. B

2007-04-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

So here's the first in a three part series of "Lost" episode reviews....

But to catch up, this season has been an odd one. It started off bad, real bad. Nothing but Sawyer, Jack and Kate being caught by the "Others" and their adventures of getting away. And a whole bunch of "Other" BS, blahblahblah, no one cares.

Since they've returned from the 6 episode arc, it's been very good. Not as good as Season One but it's improved ten fold over last year's.

So here we go.... Episode 18.

Well here's Jack. Thankfully, this is all we see of him. He's checks up on Sun, makes sure she's still pregnant and so on.

This is a Sun-centric episode. Not one of the better ones as it basically tells us very little we needed to know or care about. If Sun wasn't beautiful and Jin wasn't sweet, I really wouldn't care.

Then we got "Brother-Man" Desmond, Charlie, Hurley and Jin helping out the newly-found hot chick Nadia. As expected it's the usual bickering and whatnot. Not really exciting. Until...

One-Eyed Pete Mc"Other" comes out of nowhere and get pwned like a noob by Jin. Who knew the man could put a beating on someone. Excellent. Once again, the One-Eyed Guy means very little besides leading to another argument between

Charlie and

Desmond

The episode pretty much goes as said, not exciting but not terrible.

We basically find out Sun is probably going to die, Whatsherface is conflicted because she's infiltrated the Losties camp and is probably going to bring a reign of terror upon them by Season Finale.

But off all the decent things about the episode, Sun got a sweet line in the flashback...

Jin isn't the only one with some major cajones.

Then of course the last minute twist...

"You're all dead, rly...."

"WTF?"

In conclusion....

This was an average episode of "Lost." As said, the flashback was more-or-less filler as this pretty much set up what the rest of the season will look like. One will assume the Losties aren't really dead but Charlie's going to get the axe, whether literally or metaphorically, before this season's over. It was a "set-up" episode but one much more well-done than "24"'s. Episode 18: B

2007-04-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Yet another week of "24" goes by and they deliver one of the weakest episodes of the season.

Now before I review this episode I must say - this is what we call a "set-up episode." In a continuing series such as this show, "Lost," "Heroes" or "Prison Break" they usually cannot make every episode thrilling, fast-paced and action-packed because, let's face it, you've got to throw some story in there somewhere. Most TV series can balance between action and story so almost every episode is interesting, "24" was able to until this season. Now they seem to be writing off-the-cuff and so episodes like this occur...

Here we go....

First we have Cheng. Good half-villain, half-diplomat for the past couple seasons. Now, he's just a thorn in Jack's side. They reall could do something with him as they turned him into a real evil person in last season's finale. Now, it appears, he may become another charicature like the other villains this season. Here's hoping he doesn't as none of the villains this season have meant anything. But with only 5 episodes left, not 4 like Fox said, it's going to be tough.

Oh Jack, where have you gone? In this episode, Lord only knows. As said before, this has been the least Jack-centric season so far in "24"'s run. And, as said before, it shows. This episode he basically did nothing. So instead we get...

Chloe O'Brian's terrible storyline. Chloe was annoying in past seasons, but it was because she was supposed to be. Now we just get...

::Morris pointlessly argues::

::Chloe rebuts::

::Chloe does awkward face trying to squeeze out emotion::

All the while Morris wonders why he even came back.

Then there's this.... (Not Safe For Your Eyes)...

As if putting us through pointless storyline after pointless storyline, we get the most awkward moment this side of Chloe trying to show emotion. But does this have a point? Yes.

::SPOILERS::

If you didn't figure out already, Shady Blonde, is, well, a shady blonde. Just like any prototypical mole, she doesn't talk much, never shows emotion and has very little back story.

And why's she making out with Pressy McScuzzball? Well obviously it's not because of good looks or the fact that he had a role in "Sin City." If you didn't notice in next week's preview, she's making out with another dude. So her "going home to bring a change of clothes" clearly is just for her to touch some dude and give up all the secrets.

In conclusion, she's a spy. Typical, yes. Oh well, at least she has a role. But, seriously, how many frickin moles can the White House have?

:: END SPOILERS::

OK, in short....

If there's anything to actually care about in this episode, it's because Buchanan got the oust. One would assume he'll be back as he's a good man. But this was basically the only thing of worth in the episode.

Doyle cruised around and found that, although Jack is a world-class CTU agent and all-around genius, when running from CTU he'll leave his car parked for anyone to see right at the building where he's illegally giving the Chinese classified information. Good thinking.

So Nadia is now head of CTU because she's the best looking, Jack's plan gets all screwed up because, durp, Doyle busted the party like the drunk Uncle at a wedding reception.

And Cheng got away through CTU's perimeter of convenience for any terrorist with three working brain cells.

Oh yea, and Audrey's a loon.

So that's it, so far my prediction this plotline would be better is way off. Still no word from President Logan, Jack's Dad or anyone else that seems somewhat interesting. Needless to say, I can't write the season off yet. There's no doubt this will be viewed as the weakest season of "24", but how much they can cover their backsides is to be seen. Episode 19: D+

2007-04-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well the Summer season is slowly coming upon and it's usually around April/May where singles are released to test the waters and see if certain releases will be viable in the next month or so....So, instead of my intended suggested tracks, here's a rundown of the good and bad coming out....

Kelly Clarkson - "Never Again"- Clarkson's last album, "Breakaway", was something I felt ashamed to like. But then alot of people seemed to echo the same sentiment, which made it okay to like. This seems to bring back the dark side of Kelly as she wishes all the worst of luck to a cheating boyfriend. For a summer song, it's far from any shiny, happy ditty. Really, it's the opposite. But I think it will catch on as cheating boyfriends always make for a good topic. Plus the song doesn't sound too bad, not "Since U Been Gone" catchy, but not terrible like almost every other female pop song. B

JC Chasez - "You Ruined Me" - Oh JC, you wanted to be like Justin Timberlake. But if this song doesn't kill your career ....

Well than you're just in denial. This song sounds like your typical middle-of-the-road pop ballad by someone listening to too much Nick Lachey and early Beatles. It will catch on with the soccer moms, which really is all that matters because they're the only people still buying actual CDs. D

Linkin Park - What I've Done - I love producer Rick Rubin, I really do. What he did with possibly Jay-Z's best single ("99 Problems") was excellent, his work with Slipknot (Yes, Slipknot) actually sounded good (a word I would not normally associate with such a band). Here, he's taken all of former Linkin Park producer Don Gilmore's trademark layers of vocals for singer Chester Bennington and made him sound like one person singing. It works out well and, if the band wants to move away from their old sound, this is a step in the right direction. The song - eh, it's alright. I wouldn't buy the album on just this song but it peaks my interest some. Still, nothing out-of-the-ordinary about it. C+

Sum 41 - "March of the Dogs"- Yep, Sum 41 still exists. Something tells me this song won't help them sell any more albums than thier last album that more-or-less tanked. The political-bashing grew old when Green Day's "American Idiot" became overplayed and overall, this is a catchy pop-punk song but it's only a few knotches above the bland Bowling For Soup and Simple Plan territory. It peaks my interest to hear what the rest of the album will be like. But this isn't anything new. Though, of the songs I've spoke about, this is the only one that has a glimmer of Summer in it. B-

Naturally 7 - In The Air Tonight -

This isn't a new song or single. But this is just amazing. See kids, this is what we call talent. A+

2007-04-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

So another episode of "24" and was I right in thinking the show would improve now without all the nuclear holocaust plot?

Ehhhhh.....kinda?

Jack's storyline is typical Jack - he defies authority, kicks the crap out of people and tells someone "We're running out of time!" But, still, it's the most interesting.

Then there's the CTU storyline - a typical CTU storyline - Chloe does something illegal for Jack, gets caught and now everyone's in on the plan and Jack must defy authority because, even though he's always correct when authority tells him he's wrong, they can't let the show ends 6 episodes early.

The president subplot....yeaaa. I will say President Palmer actually became likeable, but that may be just because there's no one else that really is of any value. So he wins by default.

Anyone that believed the President wasn't going to collapse on television and the VP wasn't going to slyly put his resignation in his suit jacket probably believed Jack was going to die last week and this season is the best one so far.

So otherwise, and other friends seem to be in agreement, this was clockwork "24." Nothing we haven't seen before - but that seems to be the theme to this season.

All we can hope is Jack will go rogue and just kill all of CTU and the Chinese.

Show - C

2007-04-09T22:28:00.000-07:00

So this is the "24" blog, 17 episodes too late and on one of the most inconsistent seasons to date. Basically this will contain my nerd-like ramblings about my thoughts on the episode and where the crap I think this perpetual trainwreck may be headed. So let's jump into it....

Jack Bauer

Usually it's not a good sign when the main star the show centers around is absent for most of the running time of the show, or, in this case, the season. Jack has bounced around from being a tortured soul with nothing to lose (lasted a few good hours, before shaking off years of mindbending assault in a Chinese camp) to "Guy That Just Above Alive Curtis" and, now, thank God, back to being the focal point of the show.

This season has been lacking in both action and characters. You can throw a million Milos, Nadias (really, you could, she's good eye candy) and Boyles but without any depth - drinking problems and forced love angles don't count - we don't care. Gone are Tony, Michelle, Edgar and countless other characters who we cared about. Now, without many interesting characters, you'd think the show would lean more heavily on Jack - it doesn't and it suffers.

Granted, I won't lie and say there weren't some good parts that I got excited, just far few less than other seasons. Not to mention many hours wasted on watching an Irish techie have boughts with alcohol and the guy from "Matrix: Revolutions" be a part of honestly the most useless and unnecessary subplots known to man. Not to mention all of the bland subplots in what now is more-or-less a useless waste of White House in-fights and betrayals.

With all that being said, I enjoyed tonight's episode - more than most as of late. It was Jack-centric, which was a plus. The whole preview for last week gave the fake tease that Jack died and anyone that fell for that clearly has had too much fresh air and has never seen more than 15 minutes of any previous episode of "24." Also, the President Palmer going all crazy and nuking only to be a fluke - yes, I was fooled but I still think, for the most part, it was a pointless ploy.

But the "terrorists" stealing Fayed and killing Jack and Doyle, that was gold. I was crying foul as the same "car-hits-car-with-terrorist-inside-and-he-gets-away" as done is past seasons. But for it to be a ploy was something I didn't expect as I thought the writers had finally stooped to the lowest level of recycling.

But the fight between Jack and Fayed - excellent. No fancy choreography or terrible dialogue. It was, as my friend Yost said, a Man-fight. Both pummeled, kicked and bludgeoned only for Jack for send his regards to Fayed's kin and send him off to the afterlife. It was a rare moment where I really did care about what was going on- which says alot since Fayed was just another cookie cutter terrorist.

Which finally leads us to the Chinese and their inevitable comeback to the show. As with Jack's fake death, no one really believed Audrey was dead because "24" only keeps characters that have little substanse or relevance. But I'm glad Jack's going to get her because that, Lord willing, means less old people yelling at each other in the White House bunker and more Jack squaring off against the Crazy 88.

In Closing - Tonight's show - A solid B+

And, for the record, I'd like to list the unresolved plots - whether I care for them or not. These are purely to see if the writers care to resolve them by season's end.

- Jack's Dad (Where did he go? Did "Babe" get sick? Will he ever be a cohesive villain?

- Will President Palmer die? (Sorry Wayne, you were no David.)

- Does Palmer's sister serve any purpose, whatsoever?

- Will Nadia receive any background besides being Arabic (and hot)?

- Was there a point in bringing Milo back?

- Whatever happened to Brother Lowe and Conspiracy Co.? (I really don't care, but I had to bring it up.)

- What about the rest of the Blue Tooth Mafia?

- Will the show avoid pointless subplots?

- And finally, what's Behrooz been up to?

Note: The current logo is something I put together in two seconds. I look to make a better one, only time will tell. Also, I only included the picture of Jack Bauer, but will add more characters as they become important.

2006-08-02T20:23:00.000-07:00

Songs That Blow: The Finale (For now)

Now I have to give props to Justin Timberlake:

A) He's still working with Timbaland, a smart choice.

B) He's made a song that sounds absolutely nothing like his other material.

But just because you sound different doesn't mean your song doesn't blow.

Much like "I Love My Chick," Timberlake feels that a chorus must be one phrase repeated 10,000 times.

You don't even have to listen to it, I'll sum it up:

"Go'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with
mutha ::blank::
itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with it
Go'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with itGo'head be gone with it

Get ya sexy out."

There ya go, 4 minutes saved.

2006-08-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

Songs That Blow (Part IV)

Combining the worst parts of two already mentioned songs (will.i.am of Black Eyed Peas and Kelis), Busta Rhymes destroys all memories of the creative, crazy rapper that broke the mold 10 years prior.

Instead we've got another rapper talking about sex, clubs, sex in clubs and a chorus that's repeated 50+ times.

What's even worse, the song's actually called "I Love My Bitch." What a many splendored thing.

2006-08-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

Songs That Blow (Part III)

Whatever happened to the huge orange-haired chick that made innovative left-of-center pop music. We may never know. But this definately is not it.

References the only two songs she's known (ODB's "Got Your Money aside) - "Caught Out There" and "Milkshake."

Sounding like a bastardized even-worse version of "Hollaback Girl," this song has by far one of the most annoying choruses in recent, even worse than Fergie.

And though she claims she "Baw-Say!" we're never quite sure why. How is she bossy because the drums are different? How is she bossy because she's tattooed on Nas' arm? I don't know, the song's too annoying to ponder those thoughts.

2006-08-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

Songs that Blow (Part II)

If ripping off Madonna's "Holiday" wasn't enough for this bland 80's throwback, it's only accented by it's equally terrible video.

Combine Jessica Simpson with a slew of cameos including yet another reason to find Andy Dick unfunny, Christina Applegate and Christina Milian in what can only be concluded as some attempt to show that they're still around and, for some reason, Channel One and EW's Maria Menounos. Oh yea, and it's directed by Brett "X3" Ratner.

It's sure to get attention for its video and the oh-so-subtle oral sex joke. But besides that, even in a guilty pleasure pop song sense, the song's just not good. It's a throwback to all of the 80's songs you never want to hear again.

2006-08-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

Songs that Blow (Part I)

Ignore the fact there's like 12 year old girls dancing around, the RIAA banned the video from being posted on YouTube because apparently they don't want complete trash being on the site.

Anyways, yes Fergie didn't annoy enough people with "My Humps" and now she's back to bring all that listen to music the closest they've probably ever been to suicide.

With so many lyrical gems in the song from the genius of rhyming "get on the flo'" with "get low," it almost makes me forget that Lil' Jon had a song with the similar verse 2 years ago.

I don't know, I truly hate this song and can say that Fergie killed the Black Eyed Peas.

Why the Radio Sucks

2006-06-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

So my car is a piece of junk, no surprise there. But the difference between my car and my Dad's car that I'm driving right now is mine has a CD player and his does not. Unable to cope with all the thoughts in my head, I drown it out with music. The main problem in my drives that I've noticed is, to no one's shock, radio stations are terrible. There's one thing to overplay decent songs, then there's overplaying bad ones. Not that anyone needeth be told how bad the radio is, but let's analyze.

The Station: Hot 101
Core Audience: Parents who haven't realized they're not hip.
Sample Playlist: All-American Rejects "Dirty Little Secret," Fall Out Boy "Sugar, We're Going Down," Three Doors Down "Let Me Go," Beyonce "Check On It," Sean Paul "Temperature."

Back in the day and by back in the day I mean prior to 2000, Kiss FM didn't exist in Northeast Ohio. So Hot 101 was the bees-nees. Though hesistant to jump on playing any sort of hip-hop outside of Will Smith until, let's say, 1999, they were the standard when it came to finding out was "phat" with the kids. With their mid-20-white-male-DJ's-who-all-sound-the-same they ruled my elementary-to-early high school music listening experience. Now tuning into it is like hearing soccer moms talk about good the new Staind song is, they clearly have missed the boat by a few years and judging by how at any given moment they will play the triad of bland rock "Nickleback-Three Doors Down-Staind," it shows where their tastes have ended and how out of touch they've become.

The Station(s): Kiss FM 95.9 (Youngstown), Kiss 96.5 FM (Cleveland)
Core Audience: 14 - 18 year old girls or anyone else that doesn't know better.
Sample Playlist: Panic! At The Disco "I Write Sins (Not Tragedies)," Fall Out Boy "A Little Less Sixteen Candles," Chamillionaire "Ridin' Dirty," Anything Pussycat Dolls releases within the week, The interchangable R'N'B Chick/Guy of the Moment (Cassie, Rihanna, Ciara, Christina Milian, Chris Brown, Ne-Yo)

When you want to point fingers at the devil that pulled the nail-in-the-coffin for radio, look no further than KISS-FM. Playing the same 10 or so, the station can only be listened to at a maximum of an hour at the most (and that's if you enjoy the music.) Since their inception, they basically took Hot 101's formula of playing the "hot" songs of the moment and backing them with twentysomething DJs except the DJs are a bit more annoying and the songs are played ad-nauseum. Most often played currently is the slew of 808 and hand claps hip-hop songs such as anything by Dem Franchise Boyz, Nelly, Chris Brown, Lil Jon, etc. etc. Often times they will jump on a trendy alternative artist such as Fall Out Boy, All-American Rejects, Panic! At the Disco months after their successful has already been played out by other radio stations as sort of a way to play it safe and make sure what they're playing isn't too edgy and is hip with the kids.

The Station: Mix 106.5
Core Audience: Adults who don't want to hear "the rap music."
Sample Playlist: Phil Collins "Dance Into the Light," Nick Lachey "What's Left of Me," Goo Goo Dolls "Slide," Bon Jovi "Who Says You Can't Go Home," Kelly Clarkson "Since U Been Gone"

Back in the day when I was 8 and Phil Collins was my favorite singer, this was the soundtrack to my childhood. Those were the days of Trapper Jack and adult-contemporary was the music to listen to. Nowadays, not-so-much. I'll give kudos to the station that it's never been ashamed of being adult-contemporary and embracing all the unhip mothers in their waist high jeans. It's music for those not ready to jump into the current stream of music but don't want to hear "Hang On Sloopy" for the 800th g-d time.

The Station: 88.1 WZIP (Akron)
Core Audience: College students
Sample Playlist: Kelis "Bossy," Anything Fall Out Boy/Panic! At The Disco, Chris Brown "Gimme That," Lil Jon "Snap Yo Fingers," Gnarls Barkley "Crazy," Red Hot Chilli Peppers "Dani California"

I often give WZIP for being one of the few college campuses around to have a strong signal and usually if you catch the DJ, they play a good mix of music. Then of course there's the other DJ's such as one in the afternoon who plays nothing but terrible, terrible "snap" music or "crunk r'n'b." Night Rock is usually decent to listen to if you want to get away from WMMS barrage of playing non-stop Disturbed, Godsmack or Seether and whose tastes are more partial to indie-rock. Overall, it's a station that's good when it's consistent, but really bad when it's not.

The Station: 88.9 The Alternation
Core Audience: Indie-kids who want to listen to alot of faux-English, white singers sing about problems.
Sample Playlist: Keane "Is It Any Wonder," Angels and Airwaves "The Adventure," Fall Out Boy "A Little Less 16 Candles," Stone Sour "Through Glass," 311 "Frolic Room"

Originally I loved this station, mainly because it reminded me of the old days of 107.9 The End. I recall them playing a Dave Matthews Band followed by a Marilyn Manson song, the chances of this ever happening again are slim-to-nil, but it was a good moment that likened back to the days of radio stations playing a variety of music (even if it was within the genre.) Now the station has become more indie-centric playing mainly bands that sound like Interpol/The Killers or Sevendust/Godsmack. You find after awhile that meloncholy music is only good in small doses, even The Cure figured that out.

The Station: Z107.9
Core Audience: Black people between the ages of 10-30 years old, 16 year old white kids.
Sample Playlist: T.I. "What You Know," Yung Joc "It's Going Down," D4L "Laffy Taffy," Ne-Yo "When You're Mad," Bubba Sparxxx "Ms. New Booty"

I enjoy hip-hop, I really do. I would take anything by Outkast over most rock music made today, DMX's early music is by far scarier than anything released by today's metal artists, Public Enemy was probably one of the most politically effective artists in the past 20 years, even the hip-hip coming out of the U.K. proves that it doesn't have to suck. 107.9 does nothing to help any of these claims. Much like KISS-FM, they have a short list of "blazin'" songs that they play at least once or twice every hour, each one more banal than the one before it. By the end of the hour you've heard enough about rims, sex and white tee-shirts than you probably would've cared to. Also, it averages playing about 3 songs before going to 5-6 minutes of commercials and for some reason, every time the DJ's come on and announce that you're listening to Z107.9 they also have to inclue that it's "Home of the Russ Parr morning show," which escapes me why they always do that considering that it's not as if Russ Parr is a huge DJ or that his morning show is world-renowned. Either way, it's sad that such a culture continues to be dumb-downed by some of the worst hip-hop music to be released in the past 10 or so years and for a station that has such a grasp on the black demographic is pretty bad too.

Welp, that's it. If you feel the same way leave a comment. If not, that's alright too. This won't change anything about the radio, but it's good to remind people why they should stick to their CD player/XM/Sirius.

The TV Check

2006-06-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

So I had the chance to watch two "new" shows and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, neither one is very good.....

First we have "Dane Cook's Tourgasm," which is a show much in the spirit of "Blue Collared Comedy Tour," "Original Kings of Comedy," the behind-the-scenes movie/TV show "The Comedians of Comedy," and "The Self-Induglent adjectives of Humor". Okay, the last one never existed.

Basically it's funnyman Dane Cook showing fans what it's like to travel with 4 guys on a bus for a month-long, 20 city tour. And here's the cast....

Dane Cook: Platinum-selling comedian, leader, only distinguishable face.

Robert Kelly: Homophobe, loves porn, appears on Opie & Anthony show (that pretty much explains it all.)

Jay Davis: The newcomer. Trying to be celibate, not that funny and is constantly offended by Kelly.

Greg Gullen: More of a cameo than an actual person on the bus, claims to be "life of the party," but is rarely ever seen.

So what happens when four guys go on tour? Judging by this first episode, not much. Originally "Tourgasm" was meant to be a big DVD for fans of Cook and his fellow comedians, but once HBO noticed that he could pretty much sell anything with his name on it, they split up the DVD and made into a 10-part series. In this case, it doesn't work. None of the guys are particularly interesting enough to make you want to watch more than one episode and if this is any indication, it's like a dull comedy "Real World." C-

From the "Holy S---! Do you remember that one show?" file

In the oddest resurrection, the MTV2 network has revived the late 90's/early 00's MTV hit "Celebrity Deathmatch." Why? Not too sure about that. The series quietly petered out in 2002 as it made way for "Viva La Bam," "Wildboyz," and a few other shows hosted by former Jackass stars that weren't Johnny Knoxville. So as MTV2 promotes their "SicEmation," what better way than to wax nostalgia and remind us why we stopped watching in the first place.

To give you a little history, "Celebrity Deathmatch" was borne out of what was supposed to be a one-time thing when MTV had the "Celebrity Deathbowl" during a Super Bowl Half-time show. The ratings and responses were so huge they decided to sign the show on to their regular programming in 1998. But after a few years it just was a case of a joke being taken too far. Much like "Jackass" and "The Tom Green Show", the gimmick had worn thin and viewers lost interest. Thus, it got the kabosh.

So here we are today, a new animation studio has taken over the show, therefore the characters look more like something out of a Nintendo game and the voice talent has changed, except for Johnny Gomez I believe. Either way, the show's concept is the same thing as it was before and just about as humor-less. The show was embraced by people of my generation who are now in college and looking back, it's one of the cases where something is alot better in your memory than when you watch it again. It was a witty idea at the time, but now it's turned into the guy at the party who tells the same joke and won't leave. D

The Sheetz Trip with Yost

2006-06-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

So my comrade Yost and I were bored one night. Well more like he was bored, for I was preparing for a night's rest when he called around 1 a.m. when he called my mobile device asking if I would join him in going to Pittsburgh to visit an extremely nice Sheetz that I saw in passing when I was with my other friend Gabbard. So it was decided we would go. These are the evidence.....

I originally took this picture to document the time of left and time we returned to our homesteads. As you will see, I was so tired by the end I forgot.

Yost's secret pleasure, windshield washer fluid.

A penguin suffocating itself.

I don't know why this picture was taken, but to have that creepy smiling face staring at you as you watch your entire paycheck go into your car's gas tank is both creepy and angering.

This is the sleaziest look Yost has ever done.

And here we are. The nicest Sheetz in the world.

That also includes the most awkward looking gas pumps, but you can order all your food from them as you're filling your tank. If that doesn't say American, I don't know what does.

This picture is to contrast with the usual Sheetz you will find in Ohio which looks more like something built from the fine folks at Playskool.

Yes, more like this.

The screen is different looking that the other as well with the categories to the side as opposed going back 7 pages just to change your cheeseburger's bun.

A huge M&M's display. Sweet sassy.

More pop, juice and bottled tap water than you could shake a baby at.

Flat panel screens. Why? Because they can.

And of course, Gabbard.

Also notice the sitdown area. Although the temperature could be likened to that of Anchorage, Alaska. It was nicer than the usual Perkins, plus no scene kids.

I'm trying to think of a comment for this face Yost is giving, but I can't.

Krispy Kremes. Gabbard loves 'em.

Sadly, one day this picture will be looked back upon as "Holy shingles, gas was only $2.79!?" Naturally the 'shingles' part will be replaced with any numerous choice word.

And that's that, a fine looking Sheetz that looks like it was meant more for New York than PA or Ohio. A journey well worth taking.

At A Glance......MTV Movie Awards

2006-06-08T21:35:00.000-07:00

So tonight was MTV's semi-prestigious, quasi-just-a-reason-to-gather-celebrities-together Movie Awards. Previously done by great hosts like Jack Black (with Sarah Michelle Gellar), Ben Stiller, a surprisingly funny team of Sean William Scott & Justin Timberlake. Then there's the more forgettable ones hosted by Jimmy Fallon & Kirsten Dunst, Lisa Kudrow and Sarah Jessica Parker. Which brings me to a thought, who thought Lisa Kudrow or Sarah Jessica Parker would make good hosts? I think I watched both shows, but apparently they escaped my memory for one reason or another.

So here it is.

The Host: Jessica Alba

Apparently those that thought Lisa Kudrow or Sarah Jessica Parker could hold their own hosting a show thought the same of Jessica Alba. Ulike Parker or Kudrow, Alba makes sense because she's made really big movies (quality notwithstanding) and she's good eye candy. Personalty-wise, she's pretty stiff. MTV was smart and delegated her role to introducing people and starring in surprisingly lame parodies. The parodies ranged from the "The Da Vinci Code" which featured Alba alongside what's pretty much become tradition to have Andy Dick make a cameo and once again reminding us Jimmy Fallon is alive, he's here as well to a half-decent "Saw II" parody that was funny mainly because it featured Topher Grace pointing a gun at who else but Flava Flav. It went downhill after they said the gun was filled with "peepee", which more than a few jokes ensued due to that fact. There was also a "King Kong" parody which wasn't bad, but wasn't good either.

The Winners

The winners were a mixed bag. On one hand, Hayden Christensen somehow signed a deal with Satan and won "Best Villain" for his lack of portrayal of Darth Vader in "Star Wars Episode III: We Finally Did A Decent Installment of the Series."

On the other hand, Steve Carrell won for Best Comedic Performance for "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." While others such as Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson won for "Wedding Crashers," and the aforementioned movie won for Best Movie as well, thus still making me exclaim that it was only good on the first viewing.

Probably the most awkward moment came when Jim Carrey accepted the "Generation Award" for winning the most Golden Popcorns over the past 15 years. A fitting montage showed clips of all his great roles while keeping "Fun With Dick and Jane" to one scene and "The Majestic" to non-existant. Since Carrey has been basically out of the spotlight for awhile, it was a good reminder of just how many good movies he's been in and how he has changed from being a goofy, one-note jokester to a well-rounded leading man that can take on both comedy and drama. The awkward part came at his acceptance speech where he kept on referring to the beauty of Will Ferrell that were funny, but Ferrell was either so humbled or didn't know WTF was going on, he just sort of agreed with everything Carrey said while standing off to the side. Carrey then made a few jokes then exclaimed how he's had a feeling he's not alone and the moonmen were proof of that. Then walked offstage with the angels. It's not that I didn't get the joke that Jim Carrey was pretending to be some God-like being, but it didn't seem like it was tongue-in-cheek or deadpanning. In a sense, it didn't seem like Jim Carrey. There was no wink and a smile to let us know that he was just messing around, just kind words to Will Ferrell then a born-again Christian-like acceptance speech. Then again, he did the same type of thing when he was dressed like a hippy and won the award therefore exclaiming that the Movie Awards "needed more Foghat."

The performances

Surprisingly, the performances were quite strong this year. Compared to years past where there's always been the usual ho-hum failure like Yellowcard's bland cover of "Don't You Forget About Me" last year, Pink's "Feel Good Time" in 2003, Kelly Osbourne's "exclusive debut performance" of "Papa Don't Preach" in 2002 and on and on (for those wondering how I recall Pink and Kelly Osbourne, I had to look it up.)

When I think Christina Aguilera performing, I think lots of showboating and unnecessary ad-libbing over either a bland slow track or a bland midtempo song. This was not the case. Debuting her new single, I don't remember what it's name is but it's something like "Ain't Nobody Like My Man." It was a fast song that sounded like an oldies station crashed into a drum machine. Still not something I would go out of my way to listen to, but it had next-to-no ad-libbing and the performance in itself was interesting enough to keep my attention.

I don't want to say it was the best performance of the night because they are quickly becoming a favorite of mine, but Gnarls Barkley was visually one of the most entertaining. Keeping tradition of always having a theme for their performance (Bath robes, The Wizard of Oz characters, etc.), they were all clad in "Star Wars" costumes even with Chewbacca on the drums.

Cee-Lo Vader and a Stormtrooper who may not be able to shoot the broad side of a barn, but can play a good bass.

DJ Danger One-Kanobi and proof that Les Paul guitars transcend all time and space to galazies far, far away. Though they may not have had a whole lot of energy. You have Chewy on drums, Stormtroopers on rhythm section, Boba Fett on keyboards, Tie-fighter pilots on back-up vocals and Imperial forces on strings. It's enough to make any fan mark out.

Though Gnarls Barkley was just being funny and ironic with their costumes, AFI was serious. Super serious. No smiles, just left-over styles from the Marilyn Manson minus the whole hard rock thing and creepy-intriguing-ambiguous thing. The only thing funny about this performance is the fact that the band dresses like this and keeps the most serious face possible. But appearance aside, they put on a good performance of "Miss Murder" and sounded pretty close to they way they do on the recording. Kudos.

Overall

Let's not kid ourselves, the MTV Movie Awards hold as much credibility as, let's say, the BET Awards. Yea, it's nice to see alot celebrities together having fun, but no one is arguing years down the road that Parker Posey's performance in "Scream 3" was far more deserving to win Best Comedic Performance than Adam Sandler's in "Big Daddy" (For the record that was a joke). It's just an excuse to see parodies that take more risks than the Oscars and an awards show where Samuel L. Jackson can guarantee that "Snakes On A Plane" will win Best Picture next year and could actually be serious about it.

Previous MTV Movie Award Winners That We've Already Forgotten:

2004

Breakthough Male - Shawn Ashmore - "X2" (His career has skyrocketed ever since.)

2003

Breakthrough Female - Jennifer Garner "Daredevil" (Will people really consider this her breakthrough performance?)

2002

Best Action Sequence - The Attack Scene "Pearl Harbor"

Best Cameo - Snoop Dogg "Training Day"

2001

Best Music Moment - Piper Perabo "Coyote Ugly"

Breakthrough Male - Sean Patrick Thomas "Save The Last Dance"

2000

Best Action Sequence - The Pod Race "Star Wars: Episode One"

Best Male Lead - Keanu Reeves "The Matrix" (Really? He was the best?)

1999

Breakthrough Performance - Katie Holmes "Disturbing Behavior" (Clearly, her role in the film shot her into the stratosphere of fame. I can say that I didn't even remember this movie until I read this on IMDB.)

1998

Best New Filmmaker - Peter Catteneo "The Full Monty" (Good movie, he went nowhere.)

Best Action Sequence - Speed Boat Chase "Face/Off" (Only if it got the award for worst stunt doubles.)

My Thoughts on X-Men III

2006-05-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

So after a three year wait, the supposed final chapter of the X-Men movie series was released. Had I not been spending midnight in the hospital on the day of its release, I would've seen the first showing. But the girlfriend, Greg and I agreed on Friday night. Now you can read my non-fanboy review on my site, but this is my "omg I luv X-Men xInfinity!!" side coming out.

So Here It Is:

In 2000, the comic book adaptation to film genre was still being refined. The first installments of "Spider-Man" and "X-Men" were good, but left something to be desired while other comic book films ("Daredevil," "The Punisher") reminded us why Hollywood has strayed away from it altogether.

2003/2004 brought comic book fans sequels that learned from the faults of their original films and were ultimately deeper and more satisfying. They set the standard for all forthcoming films based on comics and the inevitable sequels were set in place (X-Men 3 being reviewed here, Spider-Man 3 is set for release Summer 2007.)

Then along comes X-Men 3 a.k.a. X-Men: The Last Stand

Most sequels that are helmed by different production crews/directors have fallen prey to the director changing the tone of the film ( the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" sequels), casts ("Batman and Robin") or just squeezing what's left of the franchise ("Blade:Trilogy"). Hence the speculation of the switch from acclaimed "Usual Suspects" director Bryan Singer who directed the first two films to the man who oversaw the buddy-comedy "Rush Hour" films and fresh from the Pierce Bronsan dud "After The Sun.

Ratner is known best for making easy-on-the-brain films with little-to-no character development ("Rush Hour 1 & 2", "Money Talks") or halfhearted attempts at something deeper ("Family Man", "Red Dragon").

Sadly, "X-Men III" is no different. For an action film, it's probably one of the best ones released this year. As a whole, it's a mess.

The first two "X-Men" films were successes because they reached across the barriers of fanboys and people who were new to the series. They weren't overwrought or extra flashy like the "Batman" series had become after Joel Schumacher took over and took its source material seriously.

"The Last Stand" is everything the first two films weren't. After Singer left, so did original writers David Hayter, Dan Harris and Michael Dougherty. Behind the story this time is "xXx" and "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" writer Simon Kinberg and "X-Men 2" story writer Zak Penn. The shift is glaring. Instead of well-written dialouge that is based more on development of characters and story, the film shoots for bad one-liners such as "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" and sample dialouge such as:

Warren Worthington, Sr.: Warren, it's a better life. It's what we all want.
Warren Worthington III: No, it's what you want.

and other similar quotes:

John Allerdyce: You should have stayed in the school.
Bobby Drake: You never should have left.

Then there's far too many characters who have nothing to do.

See this guy. His name is Angel. You won't know that by seeing the movie though. Logic would tell you that a character featured in the movie posters and trailers would have a large role. He's in the movie a maximum of 5 minutes.

The same goes as well for Rogue. I personally never cared for her because I don't think Anna Paquin was right for the part. Her accent fades in and out worse than Kevin Costner's in "Robin Hood" and her character has never been given anything to do in the previous two films. This is no different, she's part of a pseudo-love-triangle-maybe-we're-not-sure-because-it-never-goes-anywhere. Once again, no real point to her being there as anything that was built up with her character and relationship with another mutant- Iceman - in the other installments are treated with anymore respect than just some bad subplot fodder.

This is the main villain - outside of Magneto - Phoenix a.k.a. Jean Gray. She's crazy. She kills characters you probably wouldn't expect to die. She's going to kill alot more people. Wolverine loves her. That's pretty much all you are given about her in "X3". But, that's really all you need. No real development with her and why she is so evil as an entire series of comic books was devoted to that. But in order to adapt that, the film would be longer than "Braveheart."

Then there's the rest - Iceman, Collosus, and Kitty Pryde excluded because combined screen time between the three equals around 15 minutes. Halle Berry threatened not to sign on to a third X-Men film unless she was given more screen time and "development" - because clearly "Catwoman" and "Gothika" showed her demand for deep, thought-provoking characters. She's given it and to little chagrin. Storm and Wolverine lead the pack but neither garner much interest outside of what was already estalished in the previous films. Beast - I assume - takes the place of Nightcrawler as the interesting new character and voice of reason. Due to the film's incredibly short running time and lengthy speeches given by Storm and Wolverine, Beast's character is introduced and then pushed to the side immediatley. But, at least he's given some screen time to establish himself.

And the story itself. There's a cure for mutants, but most mutants don't feel they need a cure. Inevitably, the government decides that they will administer it through guns. The militant Magneto and his new group of villains who look to be coming straight from a Misfits concert initiate a war by fighting back. I won't give anymore away.

The sets and action scenes are dazzling and, by far, the best part of the movie. Sure, you may not care about who's getting killed or what character is on the brink of death, but you get the action you were looking for.

And that seems to be the Ratner way of doing things. Conduct a bunch of action scenes and string along with something that resembles human emotion.

"X3" can best be summed up by Beast. During the Mutant-Human war Beast attempts to justify fighting in it by quoting a scholar whose name I can't remember but halfway through he gives up by saying "Ahhh...you get the point!" Yes, we get the point, it's just how we were told that was wrong.

Grade - B-